Wendy’s back behind the microphone, so no shenanigans this week.
In this episode we talk about:
- The difficulties the girls had while Wendy was away
- The difference between discipline and punishment
- Can you spank foster kids?
- The difficulties we have making the girls sit through a time-out
Hey–great episode, gang! My husband is reading a book about the “love and logic†means of discipline, and it makes the most sense to me. IOW, finding a productive way to not only discipline children, but to help them understand the consequences of their behaviour and teaching them that they have a responsibility to right the wrongs they have caused (e.g. the example you gave of one of the girls throwing blocks during tantrums, and then having to pick up the blocks that she threw to clean up the mess that she caused).
I am going to have to re-listen to the segment in this episode about “time outs†because that is a type of discipline that sounds like it could be very difficult to implement. It’s hard keeping kids still even when they’re _well_ behaved! lol!!!
Best wishes and thanks again. You are both very generous to be sharing your experiences with known and unknown listeners.
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Hey guys, great podcast, this episode was the best yet, and my wife and I loved hearing stuff to get us prepared for our own upcoming experience.
Also, it was a trip seeing my quickly thrown together site under the friends links. I’ve gotten positive feedback on my site even though no one has actually done a poll, created an account to comment/rate/add links etc (hint hint
)
Anyway keep up the good work!
Wow, the discipline sounds challenging, but it does sound like you are doing a great job. The “inner calmness†that was mentioned in that email speaks volumes.
Hey! Been listening to your podcast lately and it’s fun to listen to your experiences … we started foster parenting 11 years ago this week and eventually could not foster any more because we had too many kids. We have adopted 10 children and have 2 more coming in a few weeks. All but two of them were adopted out of foster care.
When I was listening to this podcast, I wondered if you know if there was any alcohol exposure in the womb for either of the girls. If so, you may need a completely different discipline strategy. We attempted love and logic parenting with our son who arrived at the age of 8. He has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder but we did not know it at the time. We spent many years in frustration becuase he never did respond.
He’s 18 now and in jail today for stealing our car and joy riding it all over the state. His behaviors have never really improved after all our years of consequencing.
Hope this doesn’t seem offensive, but it may be worth looking into.
I am really enjoying your podcast!
Claudia,
First, can I just sit at your feet a while and learn? Thank you for commenting and no, your comment isn’t offensive. That’s an important lead for us to research.
Second… 12 kids?! Right now I have the look on my face that you probably get all the time when you’re out together. Whoa! I am in awe.
Third, I’m so sorry to hear about your son. It must be painful all around.
Fourth, how in the world do you have the time or energy to listen to our little podcast? (I checked out your blogs–which are great, by the way–and you have your hands more than full.) However you manage it, we feel honored to be included on your to-do list.
Wendy
W,
First, you can sit at the feet of my blog and learn whatever there is to learn. And you definitely should check out the FASD possibility. Some people have estimated that 95% of kids in foster care were most likely exposed to alcohol in the womb. I have a great friend who has a blog about FAS at http://www.thoughtspreserved.blogspot.com who is definitely worth reading. She’s an expert.
Second, yeah, 12 kids. But only 7 (9 in a few weeks) are living at home. So it’s not quite as bad as it seems.
Third, it’s been a long painful nightmare, but we’re getting used to it, sad to say.
Fifth, I listen to your little podcast while I’m on the treadmill at the YMCA which has been an annoying experience (the Y, not your podcast). I enjoy reminiscing about the early days and learning from you as well.
Claudia
Great job!
Just catching up on your podcasts. Its so hard when one parent is away from home! I know how it is: the boys act out more when Aaron is gone. I’m sure its magnified for your girls with their previous foster care experiences.
Hang in there with time outs; I’m sure your social worker is right that it can only get better from here. What a good sign that the girls are so attached to you Wendy! I’m sure as the trust and attachment grows they will learn to obey better and better. (and not challenge you so much, I hope!) Also you will learn the ins and outs of their personalities better and better. Although I’m still learning and I’ve had my kids since birth!