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Andrea and Linda have moved into our home!
If you’re only going to listen to one episode, this is the one to listen to. We talk about:
- The #1 question we’re asked about foster parenting
- The problem of attachment
- 40% of people in homeless shelters were once foster kids!
- How to pray for Andrea and Linda’s mom, Carmen
- Tim makes a reference to a bad 80’s movie
19 responses to “Episode 4 – Don’t You Get Attached”
Wow, it totally sounds like you have the right perspective on this, as hard as it must be to be selfless. Thank you, Holy Spirit! any news on the meeting outcomes yet?
Definitely praying for Redemption¦ we would all like to see take place in the lives of Carmen and the girls. Also, praying for God’s strength and guidance as you both encounter emotions that most parents will never experience.
Find where God is working and jump in. you guys have done it!
I learned a lot from this episode about attachment. I have a strong ability to attach evidently because I am already attached to the girls. You are much in our thoughts and prayers.
Thanks for letting us know specifically how to be praying about Carmen. Yeah, I think your redemption perspective is so right-on although it’s not how I WANT to pray (in my human-ness.) But it’s so obviously right.
I know we’ll all keep checking to hear how this meeting goes!
This is a weird question, but I caught it mentioned in this Podcast. What specifically motivated you to vote *against* the Family Leave Amendment? I don’t want to instigate a political debate; I just find it interesting that someone *wouldn’t* support what just seems like a common-sense need in our society.
We all seem to raise our voices when it comes to â€œbut what about the children? Who’s going to think of the children?? Well, the Family and Parental Leave Amendment answers that question
Thanks for asking that clarify question Michelle.
It wasn’t family leave itself that we voted against, in fact we’re all for it! It was a subsequent law here in California that provides paid family leave. Without getting too political, I think we felt it was wrong to force everyone in the State to pay into a system for our benefit whether or not they had kids. We would have gladly taken the unpaid leave and used our savings for that time. And of course there’s two sides to everything and the majority of the State disagreed with us.
Since we are forced to pay into it like everyone else, we might as well take advantage of it and get our money back. (hopefully that doesn’t make us hypocrites).
No, not at all you very well *should* benefit from a programme that was voted in despite your opposition to it, because (hopefully!) it’s for the good of all people in CA. Even people who do not have children will benefit from a community in which children are allowed the extra time to bond with their moms and dads before they need to return to work. 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts I’m so glad you both had the opportunity to take some time off to care for Andrea and Linda.
I just found your podcast. Just downloaded all episodes and am slowly listening to them. It brings back a flood of memories. My husband and I have adopted 5 children. 4 of them through the fost/adopt process and one through a private adoption. 3 of them are siblings separated in fostercare and reunited in our home. The oldest is now 15 and the youngest is 5. We started this process in 1998 and listening to your show brings it all back as though it were yesterday. I wish this medium had been around 10 years ago. (Wow, has it really been 10 years?)
We have had our ups and downs. We are currently on an up! Just when I think I have see it all, something new arises!
I decided to comment on this episode because attachment is near and dear to my heart. Several of my children suffered from attachment issues when we got them. Although we have worked very hard and at times thought we had conquered many of the problems, new milestones in our children’s lives revealed new gaps in their attachment issues. When our son became infatuated with his first crush it revealed huge attachment issues. We are told that at major life events such as marriage and birth of the first child, our kids may have to readjust and may even need counseling to maintain healthy relationships. Bless you for what you are doing and bless you for tying spirituality into your podcast. You never know how many lives you will change.
P.S. Our youngest child is Cherokee. That adoption was subject to the Native American Treaties concerning adoption of Native Americans. Which although is riskier, did not pose a problem for us. The risk was gone by the time she was 3 months old because all the tribes had formally waived their rights by that time. We were initially respite care providers for her and decided we wanted to adopt her when we discovered that all of the couples contacted were frightened by the Native American adoption laws involved in her case. By the time we got her we had already been through the adoption process 4 times and we were not easily frightened. Your listeners should understand that Native American Treaties take precedence over any state laws governing adoption, so regardless of what state you live in you are still required to abide by the Treaties.
I am sure I will comment again as I listen to more and stroll down memory lane with you!
I just discovered your podcasts today and I am so excited! I’ve only gotten throuth two so far, but I look forward to hearing more about your adventures. My hubby and I have been fostering an adorable little chocolate baby for a year and a half. It has been a journey filled with emotions, but I can totally resonate with your thoughts on redemption. It is such a difficult thing to moves oneself out of the way and ask for God’s greater plan to prevail. It is always helpful to find like-minded foster parents, and be encouraged that it is really worth all the pain that goes along with the joys. We have a TPR hearing in a couple of days, so it has been a stressful time of anticipation. Thanks for the encouragement today to have God’s heart in the middle of it all!
Hi, I just found your podcasts and I am really enjoying them. We are foster parent to 3 siblings that we have had for almost 4 years. Thanks for doin what you do.
Thank you so much for this podcast! My DH and I are just starting out and really need some good resources to help guide us through this emotional journey in a positive and educated way.
Am a a relatively new foster parent in Australia. I am 2 months in to my first medium term placement with a lovely 4 year old boy. I discovered your podcast a few weeks ago and have listened to all your podcasts so far. Your thoughts on attachment really resonated with me and have made a huge difference. I am incorporating your ideas in and they have had a really positive affect. The attachment between us has grown rapdily since. Little things like saying “our house” and talking about staying for a long time and for as long as he needs to.
I would love to hear more podcasts on methodologies and philosophies for helping foster children. I have found those episodes most helpful
It’s not just attachment issues that render former foster kids to be so likely to wind up homeless as adults, it’s also (and perhaps more so) practical issues stemming from having no family to lean on both financially and emotionally the second they hit 18 (or in some cases 21).
(Hopefully you get the heads up of new comments on old podcast posts) Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU for taking the time to make a podcast of your family’s stories and knowledge. I found your podcasts soon after my husband and I made the decision to become licensed. Almost a year later, we are within weeks of getting our license, and you have provided so much encouragement.
Our children’s therapist talked about attachment with us saying, the worst thing that could happen when you attach to these children is that your heart will get broken. However, that beats the risk of the children not learning how to attach and never fully feeling loved.
I just found your podcast this evening and am listening while I paint my future foster daughter(s)’s bedroom. I expect my home to be verified any day now. Thank you for sharing your experiences! I had not thought about the connection between attachment and trusting God before, but it certainly makes sense and gives one more good reason for making it a priority. I also appreciated your thoughts about redemption.
On to the next episode! 🙂
I am going through your podcast. the though about redemption is good, as for getting attach to the kids, when they are placed in your home there is a level of attachment.
I totally agree that attachment is the key. It is difficult when the children leave however when they call or continue to visit your heart sings
[…] make a positive impact on a kids life, from experience I can tell you that is true and untrue. Foster parent podcast In this podcast, the couple explains what it’s like to get attached to a foster child. […]