W is alone again and takes the opportunity to talk candidly about motherhood. Andrea and Linda still have visits with their birth mother. So how does it feel to be the “other” mommy?
Also discussed:
- Visits with biological parents
- Our next court date
- The desire for biological children
W,
I don’t even know where to begin. Your honesty is beautiful. Having a small glimpse into these relationships from working at OC, I can understand some of the internal struggles you describe. Thank you for sharing your heart. I think of you guys often and pray that God would “right” this situation.
During Ep 10, T was alone and had the two guys from your church helping him out while you were on business travel. Does your church offer the same support for women who are left alone with the kids while their husbands are on travel?
Laura–thanks for your encouragement and thoughts.
Michelle–hi! Yes, our small group from church and other friends have been showing me the same great support that they showed T. It has been amazing to have people sweeping the floor for me almost every night!
Nice job W.
I think this episode could have easily been titled “Loving Your Enemy”.
Hey W & T,
I came across the podcast on iTunes. I just listened to episodes 1 to 11 on a long car journey and just wanted to tell you that I’m really enjoying them.
Keep up the great work. You’re a true inspiration.
All the best,
Aron in Jerusalem
That is good.
T, how was India? My cousin went on a yoga retreat there in Sept. and loved it. Is your new sister-in-law originally from India? Beautiful country and pictures that Elizabeth brought back. 
I’ve listened to all your shows so far and wow I”m really enjoying them. I think what you guys are doing is amazing and takes alot of courage and love. I hope there will be more shows after the holidays. We all want to know how T’s trip went. My husband has to travel alot on business and I feel just like W about being the parent left behind – it’s hard but does give my daughter and I some special bonding time. Hope the house move went or will be going well. Let us know.
Aron, Michelle and Malky,
Thanks for the love! We will be back with weekly episodes soon now that we’ve moved and the holidays are over. We’ve been saving up a lot of stories.
T made it back in one piece but I’ll let him share more about India. Stay tuned!
W
Great, I’m looking forward to hearing them.
Thanks for your patience. Life has been crazy since I left. India was a great experience.
Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable. I wonder if you realize the full impact of these pod casts. Maybe in heaven, huh?
Thank you again, I really appreciate knowing the tough sides of foster parenting to get a full picture so hopefully there will be fewer surprises for us one day!
Have you heard anything from your friends that had biological kids and then adopted if it was a strange transition or if they had trouble bonding to their newest additions compared to their biological kids? I think that this may come across a little cold when read by someone who does not know me, but I have been wondering if there are rules or something about having a child, then adopting, then having more biological children. I just really want to build our family based on what is best for all the kids. Have you heard success stories with these circumstances? Thank you so much.
Maybe there is a website that I should be visiting instead of unloading all these questions on you two- I’ll look into that
T and W,
All I can say is WOW! My hubby Michael and I are foster parents in NC. I found your podcast on itunes yesterday and I listened to the first 20 episodes! I kept telling Michael, “Listen to this! They put into words exactly what our heart is!” The attachment issue in episode 4 – and how to pray for birth mom and the ultimate outcome (redemption) – were so wonderfully explained. We have inadequately tried to put a voice to our heart in these areas before but you have given us new, clearer words to express it.
W, I cried as I listened to this episode about being the other mommy. We are in process of adopting a baby girl and although she won’t have memories of her birth mom, I know they bonded during pregnancy. I wanted to shout, “FINALLY! Someone who understands me.”
God is using your podcast in a mighty way. Please be encouraged that you are impacting the world around you. You have been a wonderful blessing and encouragement to me as I’ve listened to your podcasts.
W,
I commented on the attachment episode as I am slowly making my way though all of them I am sure I will comment more. We have 5 adopted children and I have felt many of the same emotions you described. The one that struck me the hardest was your statement concerning your desire to have given birth to Andrea and Linda, not just to have experienced giving birth.
I would have liked to have given birth to my 5 children. I know that I would have taken good care of myself and I would not have exposed them to danger. I know that I would have taken excellent care of them as infants and as toddlers and they would never have had to experience the loss and grief, abuse and neglect they suffered prior to and during their time in foster care. I sometimes imagine how different their lives and ours would be if they had not had to suffer so much as young children. Then I snap out of the daydream and accept that their lives are shaping who they are and what they will become and that I am only one small piece. Who knows what strenghs and virtues they may have as adults by living their lives just as they have? Only God knows and I may never have the answer, I just have to have the faith.
I don’t know about you but I could not get through life without looking for the silver lining. I believe that they will be stronger people for having lived their lives and I believe that they will be more compasionate too. I couldn’t go on day after day if I didn’t.
You have a gift for sharing. I don’t think I could have put those mommy feelings into words anywhere nearly as well as you did. Thank you for making the rest of us out there feeling the same things feel “normal” in this most abnormal of situations.
Lisa,
Thanks so much for this comment! Your thought on accepting their experiences hits home. It makes me excited to see how our girls will develop into young adults.
Wow, you have made it halfway through our podcasts. By my calculations, you have listened to about six hours of us by now. Hang in there and push through the pain!
W
W,
I’m just starting to listen to your podcast,as it was a link on a OC newsletter we received last month.First off,I truly love this outlet you and your husband are providing for fost/adopt parents.I’m the mother to 2 wonderful girls,our youngest,is 9,and our “biological” child,or from the loin,haha….our oldest,so yes we adopted out of birth order,is 10,she was placed with us when she was 9 as well.So,I’m experiencing some of the situations that you have discussed thus far.So far,my favorite episode is “the other mommy” you truly came across genuinely,and spoke what was in your heart,and in mine.Tomorrow is Mother’s day,and it’s our 1st with our fost/adopt daughter,still not finalized but working on it,and it has brought with it a flood of emotions,that only adopted moms can understand.I can’t thank you and T enough for this lovely resource.
Your honesty in this podcast is amazing! So many emotions I’ve been feeling, yet couldn’t put them into words. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through these feelings. I know this was years ago for you but I’ve just started listening to the podcasts and they are such a blessing to me. I listen each night as I give my own foster son (a preemie, just 1 month old) a bottle and some extra snuggles. It has been such a blessing to listen to you and your husbands experiences. This episdoe is by far my favorite <3
I found your podcasts recently and have been listening my way through them. Listened to this one today and had to leave a comment.
Wow! And Thank YOU. We are trying to do an international kinship adoption of our 12 and 11 year old nephew and niece, and it *should* be possible to have an open adoption, but the remaining parent (Dad) just wants to make it really difficult. I’ve been researching adoption for about 9 months now, and I’ve finally found the niche we are in. Thank you for sharing this, and thank you for your honesty.
I have a blog where I share the latest news, but I locked it down recently because I was concerned about privacy, and more specifically, that it might be found by the birth Dad. Any hints and tips about what rules you came up with to keep things as anonymous as you can? I love your little phrase ‘not their real name’ that pops up in every show. Any other rules?
Thanks and I cant wait to listen to the rest of the shows.
Thank You Wendy. I WILL be able to get through the visit tomorrow. We are getting close to being done with them. I love this episode it’s such a great way to refocus. Listen then pray!!
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability. My husband and I are in the process of becoming foster parents and I appreciate all your wisdom and insight!