10 thoughts on “Episode 30 – Listener Comments”

1. I thought of this question last night, then realized you had already done a whole episode of listener questions. So, I will submit this question and wait for listener corner to come around again.

   My question is how do you deal with religion and children in foster care? Can you bring the kids to church, Sunday School, etc.? Does it make a difference with the little kids you have now vs. teenagers? Does it make a difference if the kids have previously been a part of a church?

   Thanks for the great podcast. I always look forward to it.

2. Preventing Foster Children from becoming Homeless

   I am not sure of the exact statistics of how many foster children are homeless once they reach the legal age but I have heard numbers as staggering as 50%. In my opinion 5% is too many for me and I’m sure for you so how can we help prevent these numbers from being so high?

   First of all you must consider what the child is thinking about as they are growing up in there early years, there teens, and then legal age. Although you are the perfect foster parent and have done everything you could do for the child the child still has a hidden agenda, and you will not change this.

   All foster children feel they are missing something and as foster parents we can do our best to fill parent’s shoes our foster children still want to GO HOME. They always think that mommy and daddy are waiting for them somewhere and they have open arms for them, they have the preconceived notion that a little something went wrong and it’s the states fault for taking them away from their parents.

   Of course we know better but try to tell a foster child this and you will go nowhere. In fact in the child’s mind you will be the bad parents, not their biological parents.

   So now the child reaches the age of 18 and before you know it the biological parents somehow will come knocking or the child will reach out for them and before you know it all of your years of effort for this child are lost.

   People don’t change and to say they do change is a very small percentage.

   Now when the child reaches the legal age to do what they want they automatically go visit there biological parents or parent and think the parent is waiting with open arms but they come to find out that they aren’t. The biological parents make all kinds of promises to the child such as, I’ll never let you out of my sight again, and a lot of other promises but when the child decides to stop what they are doing, SIGN OUT of DCF care and go back to the biological parents all of your efforts are now out the window.

   Why? Well first of all the parent or parents haven’t changed, they are still the same as they where 18 years ago and now that the child has signed out of DCF and is now 18 years old they can’t go back and when the child finds that he or she just can’t live with the biological parents it is too late, they are left out in the cold, homeless.

   I had 5 foster children so far, 2 are homeless, 2 are still in the system and 1 remains with me.

   So what can we do as foster parents to prevent this?

   My suggestion is to have meeting with the biological parents long before the child turns legal age. Give the child 5 years of foster care and then set up meetings with the biological parents early enough so the child will have his resolves when it comes to how he perceives his biological parents to be. Get the child and the parents together, supervised and get them talking early enough so the child knows his or her biological parents and will know that going HOME is not an option, they have a new home, yours.

   By the way, I choice Tim and Wendy’s podcast for posting this because In my opinion it is the best I have every heard. I wish them and all of us in foster care the very best, It can be a tough job but it is also the closet job to the heart you can even have. Really, it’s the best. If you are thinking about foster care but have put it off to find out about it I suggest you try it, you have nothing to loose accept your heart and you certainly have enough heart, don’t you?

   Danny

3. Sara, that is a great question. We’ll tackle that in an upcoming episode for sure.

4. Hi Tim and Wendy…

   Just had to let you know that the two of you popped up in my head today while at work.

   As I’ve said before, I’m a nurse and work in a neonatal intensive care unit…we currently have a 2 day old baby who from the beginning the mother stated she was giving him up for adoption. I’ve been his nurse both days and he has already captured my heart – he’s absolutely adorable and has the greatest little personality…he’s very alert and will just watch me and listen to me when I talk to him. When I try to face him towards other nurses, he’s always searching for my face and looking for me.

   So, anyways….it was today that I wished I had my foster parenting license so that I could take him home with me! Our social worker has known for quite some time that I someday plan on doing the whole foster parenting thing. She told me today that she wished there was a way that she could expedite the whole process so that I could take him home.

   So, long story short, I thought about you guys and your little tag line. I know I can’t do the process fast enough to get this specific baby, but someday there will be a future baby or two and I’m inching my way closer to becoming a foster parent. So…the thought is becoming more embeded in my mind and the longing is getting stronger. So maybe before too long I will make that call.

   Thanks for your podcasts! Keep up the great work!

   Ashley

5. Okay, it sounds as though you do have similar laws surrounding Native children in foster care. What you have described is the process that my friend is going through – the waiting and waiting for all involved tribes to officially “sign off” their rights to this particular child. In addition (according to my friend), it seems that any available Native family would be given preference over a non-Native home for permanent placement. I am praying that he will be able to stay in the only home he has known for his 3 years of life. I will second your sentiments of understanding and being sensitive to the reasons for such a law (Ontario has a checkered past in regards to Native children and Child Welfare services, particularly through the 1960′s) but also agree that it is an unfortunate circumstance for Native children.
   Thanks for taking the time to interact with your listeners! I look forward to your podcast every week. It’s a great reminder and encouragement to me of why we want to become involved in foster parenting.

6. Hi Tim & Wendy,

   I found your podcast recently on iTunes and have since listened to every episode. It has been so great to hear your story. My husband and I are very interested in adoption and hope that it will be a part of building our family one day. To be honest, I had not considered foster care much but listening to your podcast has really increased my interest in it. We are in Michigan and I’m not sure how everything works here but I am sure we will be looking into foster care at some point.

   I wanted to share this video clip with you from John Piper (maybe you have already seen it): http://baughmanblog.blogspot.com/2008/03/piper-john-not-our-dog-on-adoption.html

   We are big fans of John Piper (so much that our dog is named after him…kinda weird). Thought you would enjoy what he had to say about adoption.

   My husband is now listening to your podcast as well. We are looking forward to the next episode.

7. Thanks so much for this wonderful episode (and for your comment on my blog, Tim). I don’t really have a comment or a question, just wanted to say that I have learned so much from this podcast and I really admire the way you put your values into practice. I only hope one day I can do the same. All best wishes to you and your family.

8. My husband and I have four children (born to us) and have felt for some time that we want to expand our family via adoption. We had wavered about what route to take. Your wonderful podcast has cinched it for us. We are currently on an expat assignment in Wales for 2 years (we are Americans) and plan on entering into foster care as soon as we can once we return to the states.

   I wonder if you or any of your listeners know about the foster system here in the UK. Staying in the UK is an option for us and whether or not we could foster/adopt is part of our decision.

   Thanks for all you do. My kids have been listening to your podcast as well.

9. Hi Jo,
   Glad you’ve found us and that you’ve decided to become foster parents.

   I think you’d be called “foster carers” in the UK, right? Unfortunately, that is the full extent of what I know about the UK foster system!! But I know we’ve had some listeners from the UK. Let’s hope they see this post and chime in!

   Wendy

10. Hello Tim & Wendy,

    I’ve been wanting to leave a comment for a while, but have wanted to catch up to the latest episodes first. However, since you were kind enough to take the time to leave a comment on my brand new foster parenting blog, I thought it was time. I just have to tell you guys that listening to your podcast has encouraged me to become a foster parent. I found it while my wife and I were mostly done with all of the training for becoming a foster parents, but the whole idea of it was still very scary, especially after some of the stories we heard in the class. Anyways, I’m happy to report that this is now our fourth day as foster parents, and although it’s a huge adjustment, it’s going great, and we’re very glad we made the step to get certified and love on some kids. Thanks again for your podcast, it’s a huge encouragement and wealth of wisdom. Keep up the great work!