We discuss the seconds thoughts we have about a number issues over the last year. They include open adoption, termination of parental rights, two working parents and ending family therapy.
Foster & Adoption Parenting Podcast
Join foster parents T and W as they discuss foster care and adoption. With humor, insight and Christian faith, they share their everyday ups and downs as a foster family with hopes of adoption.
Dear Tim and Wendy,
Greetings from snowy Chicago.
It was funny that you mentioned how your style has changed since the beginning episodes. My husband said something the other day when I was mentioning your podcast and how much I look forward to it. He said, “Oh, you mean the one that looks like Amy Pohler (from SNL)? She seems really ‘happy go lucky’”!
First of all, the term “happy go lucky” predates all of us, but I assured him that you cry at least once an episode!
The more important encouragement that I have for you is concerning Linda’s behaviour. I will not be alone in telling you that we have major defiant battles with our “loin kids” as well. In our case, we have one who most of the time is this funny, energetic, adorable, lovey-dovey kid who LOVES us. Once in a while, when things don’t go his way and he gets a consequence, he has no problem telling me and anyone else in the room how he HATES us. Books flying around his room when I separate him from the situation… not unusual.
John and I joke that if HE had been our foster child, we would have wondered what “horrible things his other families must have done to him”!
So, Linda’s behaviour (and our 6 year old’s behaviour) are serious issues and need gentle correction and -in some cases- therapy. Our guy even gets in a group one time a week to work out some stuff. Now that I write this, I don’t know if it is encouraging or discouraging. Just wanted you to know that even as a passive listener, I can tell that you are changing the world for these girls. Part of the answer might be that Linda (even if you had given birth to her yourself) might have come into this world with some of this. Being thrown into chaos may have just added fuel to what might have already been a smoldering fire.
On a personal note, we met our baby’s mom and dad for the first time. The dad was really cute and looked a lot like our baby. Mom kind of reminded me of a lost 13 year old. They are both still in the process and – if they work hard enough- one or the other has a chance to get him back. I agree that they just need to get it together sooner than later if it is really going to happen. Like you said in Carmen’s case, they DON’T have all the time in the world. Getting it all together after 4 years is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Hang in there!! You are doing an amazing job.
Laura
PS. I am willing to share #1 fan status. I am feeling generous this Sunday morning.
Hi,
I just wanted to write and thank you for this honest look at your choices about open adoption. My husband and I are fost/adopting two four year old girls who are going through the system and have been with us for a year now (they’ve been in for nearly two years and won’t be legally free for another four months). We’ve debated the benefit of continued contact not just of parents but of siblings (they come from a large family). It’s all very complicated, and I appreciate your recognition that no decision is going to feel perfect or even completely comfortable. I will say that the more we get to know the mother the more nervous we are about it, for many of the reasons you mentioned. I’m also a bit skeptical about the reports of experts on the matter as thirty years ago experts insisted that all black children needed to be raised in black homes, which of course now has been debunked. All to say, we want to do what is best for the girls, but we also want to do what is best for our family. I look forward to gaining wisdom from your experience as you proceed in this. Our prayers are with you all.
Just thought I’d let you guys know that in large part to help from you, my wife and I are going to an orientation for foster care in a week. Can’t wait for it. Thanks for all of your work in putting this podcast together!
Hooray Ben and family!
Do you ever do any podcasts about the corruption in the Child Protective Industry? Perhaps abuse in foster care? Perhaps how foster care damages the children? How workers lie? How foster parents fall for the lies of workers? How some of them are stooges for the agencies?
Clearly, if you have been listening to our podcast, you know that we think foster care is a perfect system in every way. Over and over again we’ve seen nothing but the child’s best interest at the forefront of everyone’s mind. If any one can do a great job protecting families and children, it’s government.
//end sarcasm.
The problems and abuses in foster care are well known and documented. We discuss them when we see them. Our goal is to encourage people to impart a positive impact on a flawed, but often necessary system.