As D & K await their first placement they discuss how they’ve handled the inevitable questions that arise about their future as foster parents. Someone recently asked them perhaps the most shocking question we’ve ever heard.
Foster & Adoption Parenting Podcast
Join foster parents T and W as they discuss foster care and adoption. With humor, insight and Christian faith, they share their everyday ups and downs as a foster family with hopes of adoption.
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D&K, great job! I am so excited that the listeners are going to get to know you better and better as your journey moves forward.
Congratulations on being OFFICIAL. Is it a little surreal? Do you jump every time the phone rings? (I wish I could say that feeling goes away, but I must admit I still get a little rush of excitement every time our phone rings.)
D and K,
Thanks for sharing with us. Should I stop calling you on the phone so you don’t jump when it rings?! Just kidding. I actually jump every time you call me thinking that you may be calling to tell me you filled up your crib with something other than your dog. I look forward to meeting your foster kid(s) soon!
Praying for you guys,
Marcia
Congrats to Dan and Krista on your podcast. We will look forward to hearing about your family.
You guys did a great job! We cant wait to hear your news and meet your kid(s)! Continuing to pray for you guys.
The Browns
Hi T and W-
We are about to attend out first Permanency Planning Meeting (as it is called here in Texas) for our 2 year old foster daughter. We have never been through this process before as our two prior foster kids came to us with their plans already decided. Anyway, we have been asked to attend this meeting and provide our feedback on our daughter’s issues, and what we think her outcome should be. Obviously we will not go into details to protect her privacy, but given what happened to her, and what we have been told about her birth family, we honestly do not think that she should be returned to them. If fact, if her goal is changed to adoption (right now her goal is reunification) we would strongly consider adopting her as we love her very much, and she is doing so well with us. So- the question is- can you or any listeners help us prepare for this Permanency Planning Meeting, what to expect, or say or do? Thank you so much and please send us good thoughts and wishes for our daughter and a good outcome for her. Love the podcast, thanks for doing it.
Hi Kim,
Thanks for writing. I don’t know Texas meetings, so I’ll speak generally. (I’ll also ask my sister-in-law, a Texas social worker, if she has anything to add.)
Your foster daughter’s birth parents and possibly other relatives will likely be invited to the meeting, so think about anything you plan to say in light of their presence. It could be really awkward, but it could also be really healthy.
As they are talking about permanency, of course, mention that you might be open to adoption if the case heads in that direction.
I don’t know how much they’ll ask you about what you think about the case itself, but my recommendation would be just to speak out of your experience. Talk about how your foster daughter is doing, how much she is benefiting from being on a schedule (if that’s true), how you know she’s attaching in your home, what behaviors have changed, whether she is developmentally on target, etc. Bring any paperwork from doctor’s visits, etc. just in case.
I hope this is helpful, Kim. I also hope other listeners will chime in, and that you’ll come back and comment on how it went!
W
So, when do we get another podcast?
Wendy- thanks for the advice- I had not thought to get a copy of her medical records until you suggested it, but I am glad I did as they document many of our daughter’s issues.
I was able to meet with our CPS worker today and she was able to give me lots of good information about what to expect, and she also gave me a three page report to fill out on our daughter, and that really helped me understand what they want to know from us. So basically what will happen at this permanency planning meeting on Thursday is that the birth mom’s goals, services, and plan will be set. (Since our daughter has already been with us almost two months you gotta wonder why those things weren’t done sooner…) At that point she will have four months to work on those goals. We will meet again in June and see if she has met her goals (and thus can be reunified) or if she still has work to do. So in thinking about this meeting I was relistening to episodes 4 and 19 where you and Tim were talking about your mixed feelings. I have very similar thoughts- part of me hopes that birth mom gets it together and becomes a great parent and gets her kid back, but part of me thinks I don’t ever want my child to go home to the people who failed her. It was so honest of you, and it helped me to know that I wasn’t alone in these conflicted feelings I am having. I will let you know how the meeting goes- wish our daughter luck.
So today we testified at our foster daughter’s Permanency Planning Meeting. First of all thanks for the moral support- we needed it. This hearing was certainly on my Top 10 Hardest Things I’ve Ever Done list. Our daughter’s only plan had been that she be returned to her birth family once they met certain goals. The GREAT news part 1- the state moved to concurrent planning- meaning that she now has 2 plans. Plan A is still family reunification. But now she has a Plan B, which is adoption. GREAT news part 2- the next hearing is not until June 18, so she is with us for at least the next 4 months while her birth mom works on her goals and our daughter gets therapy. And in those goals the bar was set pretty high, which means that birth mom would really have to turn her life around and be safe, which is great. So- we will reconvene in June to do this fun stuff all over again, and in the meantime we don’t have to worry about our daughter’s well being for the next 4 months. The birth family was seated right there at the table with us, so we had to speak about what they did to our daughter right in front of them. That was pretty icky, and we were all discussing some pretty gruesome stuff, so that was hard. We also turned in a 3 page report of all the bad stuff that happened to our daughter, and the medical records to prove it.
So- bottom line- today was scary and hard for us, but I am glad that we could advocate for our daughter. It was a very good outcome.
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I have really enjoyed these podcasts and learning all about receiving a child into your home and the process of adoption but it seems that things are getting quiet in the MacGyver household…lol
At this point in the process I was starting to wonder if Tim and Wendy’s experiences at this time were helping me. As wonderful as Tim and Wendy are, I haven’t started fostering yet and they have had the girls for so long. With their amazing parenting skills, the girls are settling in well and it seems that their family is turning into just a regular family (isn’t it nice to be just a “regular family” after all the struggles?)
And now…we welcome Dan and Krista!!!!
I can’t wait to start all over again with a new family. This is an amazing idea…pass the torch.
I just hope that Tim and Wendy come back and update us on how things are going because they have so many great stories and are full of valuable information.