Episode 117 – The Connected Child

We’re back with a new episode. We focus in on the wonderful, amazing, life-changing Karyn Purvis and her book The Connected Child. In addition we catch you up on our lives with quick recommendations for The Kazdin Method and Bedwetting Alarms. Plus, some thoughts on the future of the Foster Parenting Podcast and our looming decision about growing our family.

10 thoughts on “Episode 117 – The Connected Child

  1. Tim and Wendy,
    I was so happy to see a new episode! Thank you for continuing to let us peak into your life. This episode really represents why I just love love LOVE your podcast. You are so open and discuss things that many of us talk about in our lives with our partners but maybe a little afraid to talk about with others. Being the same as Wendy, I really appreciate and connected with your thoughts on having biological children. It is unfair that women have to consider the biological clock. Thank you for sharing such a personal conversation with us.

    As a long time listener, I always have a mental image of your girls being very young. I can’t believe they are 8 and 9! It is really nice to get updates on how they are doing. Can I say again? Love the podcast!!

  2. Dear Tim and Wendy,
    Thanks so much for the update :):) I just love how real you keep it and how we get to see how your seasons change and how you deal with it so honesty and openingly :) we have x3 boys (long term foster care) – 2 yrs 3 yrs & 6 yrs we always wanted a big family:) unfortunately Australia is not an easy place to adopt …:( but we totally look at our family as ours and our boys as our sons – I am 31 and we are asking the baby questions as well … plus as our youngest son’s birth mother recently just gave birth … and has been able to take this one home – we wonder what the future holds and if we were asked would we have room for him … I never knew how heart wrenching life could be as you deal with the trauma of your children – that you didn’t inflict – and you try to make the upside down the right way up for them – so it’s such a breath of fresh air to hear other peoples story – your podcast- i completely understand that this isn’t the season for weekly updates but i will continue to treasure and to pop into your podcast to hear updates and re-hear old episodes – thanks for all the hard work and passion :):) – any news on Dan and Krista?? it would be good to hear how they introduced a baby to their family :) :) xxx

  3. Sounds like everything we are doing now. I use an app called ireward. They have a website ireward.com

  4. I have really enjoyed catching up on all the podcasts and I’m very grateful that you are podcasting again. Since starting to listen my husband and I have opened up our racial preferences on our foster care license. We feel that you gave us a greater understanding of the true importance of fostering. Keep up the great work!

  5. Thank you for podcasting! I have been fostering for 6 months and have listened to all your episodes. I have 2 girls right now, 3 and 5 years old. My heart resonates with yours in dealing with some of the whining and disrespecting. I will definitely be looking up the Kazdin and ireward charts and methods of positive reinforcement. We have tried some positive reinforcement based on the girls counselor recommendation. It worked real well…I thought maybe too well. I had a 5 year old coming up with some hairball schemes to earn time on her ipod:). But maybe I can give it a go again after educating myself a little better. Also you are so right about the book “the connected child” needing to be an everyday read. It is grounding and corrects all of my wrong assumptions and tempers my emotional reactions. One of the parts of the book that struck me most was the issue of feeding a child. Our 3 year old would constantly ask to be fed and my husband would do it! I felt pretty strongly that she needed to be independent about this issue of feeding herself. After all, she has to do it several times a day! And of course her sister was jealous and wanted to be fed too. You can see how I was pretty adamant about not doing it. But this was happening in the first few months the girls arrived and the book states that “Hand-feeding your child is powerfully nurturing…Food speaks to the primitive part of the brain. It assures children they will be cared for and protected…It’s a peace offering that earns trust…Feeding each other is a bonding experience and can be used as part of attachment-building exercises…” Well naturally I read that after I lectured my husband and had to apologize:)….we fed the girls when they would ask, which ended up only being about a month and not at every meal. Eventually we would take turns feeding each other and after doing that a few times it seemed like they stopped asking.
    Thank you again for podcasting…no matter what you say I always end up encouraged to press on…

  6. You think your daughter may have a problem with having her image posted on Facebook by a friend? Wait till her friends listen to the podcast you posted about her playing with her stool. Imagine the social damage that will cause her??!!

    What would posses you both to PUBLICLY post something like this on the internet so private about your adopted daughter !!???

    Reference:
    http://www.fosterpodcast.com/2009/05/08/episode-63-grow-heart/

  7. You know, I think alot about my kids’ online legacy and privacy. I don’t think there are many kids out there growing up with “facebook generation” parents who haven’t had most of thier lives posted online, embarrassments and all. I think it will be less of an issue than we think as we grow up. Every kid will pretty much have access to every other kid’s embarrassing bathtub baby picture. Now, the struggles foster kids go through are unique and of course need different rules. Just sharing my thoughts.

  8. I can’t believe I just found the new podcast. I have been so deligent about listening :)

    Loved this and wish there were more.

    We just went to Karen Purvis’ Empowered to Connect. We had read the book and attended a class on the book. The conference was even more amazing. Karen is my hero and has radically changed how we parent. I really wish we had learned all of this before we started fostering. We made so many mistakes. We still struggle but life has gotten easier the more we learn.

    Please podcast again soon

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