We recently read The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia. We found this book to be an excellent handbook for navigating open and semiopen adoption. Topics include boundaries between the adoptive family and the birth family; differences between fathers’ and mothers’ concerns; and expectations of birth parents. We also share a letter we wrote to our daughters’ birth mother and birth grandfather.
How long does it take to “get over” adoption? That’s a trick question. Every stage of a child’s life brings new challenges in understanding their own identity as an adopted individual. In this episode, we explore each stage and what parents can do to help their children process their experiences. Learn how to talk about adoption with your child, and why your child may feel like an alien if you try to tell him, “You grew in my heart.”
We got some of our information from “Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self” by David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schecter, and Robin Marantz Henig.
We also discuss our recent experiences with poop smearing, temper tantrums and a broken arm.
December has not turned out the way we expected. First, we had a car accident and totaled our family vehicle. Then, today, we accepted placement of a 9-month-old baby girl.
The car accident brought up a discussion about grief and loss. We also touch on the triggers brought on by the holidays for foster children. Finally, 9-month-old Kay teaches us something central to the Christmas story.
Here’s the link to the documentary listener Krysta told us about. Watch it! Where Children Find Hope
These are 40 of our own personal reasons to adopt through foster care. They’re not necessarily for you or anyone else, but they are what compels us. Celebrate National Adoption Month with us!
Wendy takes time to interview our friend Ramona, who grew up in foster care.
Coming soon: stay tuned for our National Adoption Month plans. Email with any of your adoption specific questions.
So you want to be a foster parent, but not yet. What can you do with all that energy you’ve got? We give some practical advice for how to prepare yourself.
A book on grief and loss we recommend:
Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud.
We’ve started a new therapy program called Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). We’ve only been to two sessions with the girls but have found that this “proven” program really works. If you’d like to start using some of the skills we’re learning try using this acronym
Praise appropriate behavior
Reflect appropriate talk
Imitate appropriate play
Describe appropriate behavior
We also mention a daily ritual that we use in our marriage. The “5 A’s”
Ask (what can I do for you tomorrow?)
Amen (how can I pray for you?)
Can you foster kids while both parents work? Yes you can but it has some extra challenges. We discuss how we do it.
Also an update on our chance encounter discussed in our last episode and a shout out to some strangers we met through our show.
What’s a disruption? We give our thoughts on a fost-adopt placement that ends up getting reunified. This is not something we have experienced ourselves so we’d love to hear listener feedback.